In light of recent events and media coverage, postpartum depression, a serious condition affecting about 1 in 6 new mothers, is getting the attention and recognition that has been lacking for too long.
It is estimated that about 40% of new parents will feel “baby blues” after the birth of a new child, or the adoption of a child. Generally, this feeling of depression, self-doubt, and anxiety is temporary, lasting for weeks or even months, as new parents attempt to adapt to their new roles. Sleep deprivation and hormones can be a big factor as well in “baby blues.” Postpartum depression can be much more severe and last for months and even up to a year. It can affect anyone, and even start before the birth of the child, during pregnancy.
Postpartum depression includes having feelings of being a bad parent, undeserving, overwhelmed, unable to cope, even resentful toward the child or partner, and feeling hateful of oneself. Despite being a common condition, it is unfortunately too often ignored and left untreated, as parents feel the topic is taboo and they are often reluctant to come forward to ask for help.
As a new parent, you are expected to feel “euphoric” and full of love for your child from the moment you meet him/her, and any feeling that differs from this is not acceptable. The truth is, that it often takes some time for that feeling of love to take over, as parents adjust to extreme sleep deprivation and fatigue from having to pay constant attention to a helpless little being who is incapable of communicating their needs and wants. Having a baby that cries frequently or has colic as they develop their immature digestive systems can turn an already fragile mental state into a desperate one. Facing constant criticism and self-doubts, not to mention a raging hormonal system and recuperation from the trauma of childbirth, are all massive challenges to be faced.
As a parent myself, I know the pressures that are put upon by from peers and from society. From the moment I announced I was pregnant, I felt like all eyes were on me. Every time I ate or drank anything, I faced looks or comments. If I went dancing or hiking, there were those praising me for being out and about, with others were saying I shouldn’t strain myself and that was hurting the baby. Everyone has a say in everything you do.
It gets worse when the baby is born. Breastfeeding verses bottle. Co-sleeping verse sleeping apart. Staying at home or working. Having to be that perfect mom who “bounces back” immediately into her pre-pregnancy body. The list goes on, and whatever you do there will always be those glares and criticism as someone always knows better. All this is tough to handle at the best of time, and even more so when you are feeling worn and exhausted.
My second pregnancy took a lot out of me—migraines, anemia, extreme anxiety, and of course exhaustion—especially when I also had a toddler to take care of. After the physical trauma of childbirth and the long sleepless nights following, I was at the weakest state I have ever been in. I’m lucky that I was surrounded with great support from friends and family, and I could overcome all this quite quickly. Not everyone is as lucky, and for many, any little thing can be the drop that makes the glass overflow. This is such a delicate time for new parents, especially new moms. She should feel only positivity and support at this time and not feel the pressures of society’s expectations.
With all this, it should come as no surprise that all this pressure brings so many to the breaking point. It is so important that we raise awareness about postpartum depression so that new parents facing these challenges do not feel alone, and that they don’t feel they have nowhere to go with no one to listen to them. Just as important is that there be more awareness in society about this condition so people know that their comments and criticism to a new parent are often ill-advised and damaging, though often well-intentioned.
It is okay to feel overwhelmed. What is not okay, is feeling that there is no way out. There is help, and things do get better. It is important to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and if the tunnel seems too long and too treacherous, then it is important to know that there are people who can help you through those patches.
A good counsellor can often be the most important help for one suffering from depression. There are also medical solutions, though those are generally avoided unless in extremely severe situations. Traditional Chinese medicine has long recognized the correlation between physical health and emotional wellbeing, and a qualified acupuncturist can help to ground and focus a person who feels that their world has gotten out of control.
Simply accepting that you need help and then seeking it out is the biggest step to be taken. There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed. There is no shame in seeking help. Becoming a parent is tough, whether it is for the first or fifth time, and no one should have to feel they need to face all these challenges alone. These adjustments to a new life, a new beginning can be surpassed, and will be with proper help and attention.
For those who surround the new parents, remember what a challenging time this can be for them. Offer positivity and support, never criticism. It is not always clear that someone is suffering depression. They often won’t say anything. Or they may say what is expected—that everything is great, that they are happy and coping. This might be the case. But not always. And that is why it is extremely important that those who are not okay feel supported. New life needs to be fed with love from all sides, and that includes to the new parent.
For more information on how acupuncture can help with postpartum depression, contact us today.